Teresa vs Lisbon
by MichaellaD
Summary: Lisbon has a personality conflict - with herself. This is my take on what Lisbon was thinking when she was dating Pike. I flatter myself that no one's written a story from quite this angle before... (Hat trick part 2)
1. I'll get over you

**A/N: I am actually having a lot of fun coming up with different explanations of Lisbon and Pike; some reasonable, some more farfetched. This is my third attempt.**

**I do not own I'll Get Over You by Crystal Gayle or the Mentalist.**

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_One thing 'bout this heart of mine_  
_All my hurt's gonna mend in time_

Lisbon flopped into bed after her first date with Pike. It had been... interesting. Okay, that was a lie. It had been completely normal. Nothing had gone wrong, he hadn't said anything unusual or embarassing or stupid, and the food had been great. She supposed she should be bored right now, but her life had always been such a mess that normal was an anomaly for her.

She decided she liked normal.

Pike was obviously hoping that things would go farther. She wondered what she thought about that. Jane had never had any problem with her dating before, so she didn't need to worry about him. Not that she'd really dated at all since Jane had known her.

And that decided her. She'd gone long enough without love. Maybe this wouldn't turn out to be love, but she'd give it the good old college try, just see if she wouldn't.

_It don't leave no scars behind_  
_I'll get over you_

She heard about the previous Mrs. Pike, Sally, on the third date. Pike didn't say very much but she could tell that he wasn't exactly over her yet. And didn't realize it.

She cursed her long relationship with Jane. Without it, that nuance would have gone straight over her head. Still, who was she to judge? She probably was a little hung up on Jane herself, she realized in a rare moment of personal clarity.

She sat up straight. This dinner was about new possibilities, not missed opportunities.

_I'll find me a guy one day_  
_Who's not scared to give his heart away_

When Pike opened up his wallet, a faded picture fell out. He picked it up and explained that it was his daughter. Who took after her mother, apparently. Lisbon examined it covertly. The girl had blond hair and a delicate air. If she looked anything at all like her mother then Lisbon knew that she wasn't his type at all.

Maybe that was good. He'd divorced his first wife because they hadn't gotten along, after all. She was probably exactly what he was looking for. She was secretly impressed that he was trying again. She couldn't imagine the hurt that followed getting divorced.

He was definitely a brave man. She had always admired anyone who could open their heart to love again after once getting hurt. She resolved to try harder to make this work.

_When I do, it's safe to say_  
_That I'll get over you_

She liked having somone to share her bed with. It was homey. It made her feel safe. But most of all it meant she wasn't alone with her thoughts.

Pike never pushed her to share her feelings if she didn't want to. It was such a relief not to stand before someone *cough*Jane*cough* and feel like you were being stripped naked, metaphorically. Pike was quite happy to hold her without knowing what her father's favourite thing to eat for breakfast had been. It was incredibly relaxing.

She wondered if Pike appreciated the comfort of having someone near who wasn't demanding, as much as she did. She shrewdly suspected so. She smiled contentedly into his shoulder as she drifted off and felt his answering smile.

_From now on think I'll lay low_  
_I'll talk fast but I'll move slow_

She had an epiphany after Jane interrupted her date to call her over for help with what turned out to be a human trafficking case.

She was trying to turn over a new leaf, but it wasn't working because she was still trying to maintain the status quo. After all these years she was still running after Jane. She didn't have to anymore, she wasn't his boss! If she wanted a new life where she wasn't tied down by Jane, hampered in her movements by having to keep half an eye on his, she would have to remake herself.

She decided to call this new improved Lisbon "Teresa". It seemed appropriate considering that she now had two people calling her that, more than she'd had in her entire life. With Pike that was because she was his girlfriend, but with Jane she wasn't sure why. She decided it was because he'd noticed the changes in her.

Speaking of changes, Pike seemed to be a lot more comfortable with her now. He'd apparently decided that she was someone he felt he could spend the rest of her life with. She couldn't tell if she was scared or excited about that. She just had to give herself a little time to think about it.

_You taught me all I need to know_  
_'Bout gettin' over you_

When Pike first suggested moving to D.C. her instinctual response was horror. But then the simple fact that she had reacted so strongly made her wonder if she wasn't a bit off base. Jane wanted her near him, of course, but still. Couldn't she live her own life?

Jane seemed to be doing fine, back to how he'd been before his revenge had entirely consumed him. And even - just a little bit - better. So he wouldn't need her around anymore. He'd gotten her her job back because he'd felt bad about how the CBI had been dismantled, she knew that much. But while he wanted to give her a new start, he didn't want anything to happen between them.

But she'd become resigned to that years ago. That idea hadn't hurt in ages. So she was back to the beginning again, butting her mind against that move to D.C.

It was the perfect place to start over. She had a niggling feeling that here she was just considered Jane's babysitter. In D.C. she wouldn't have that cloud over her head. But did she want to move with a guy who was still hung up on someone himself?

In the end, she could only say "I'll think about it."

_Sometimes I think, I love you still_  
_Wonder if I always will_

Pike mentioned Sally again the next day. He said that she had never liked going out for the night, like they were doing right now.

Teresa decided this was a good sign. It meant she didn't remind him of her. It was obvious that _Pike_ liked going out for the night.

Teresa smiled to herself. So far this had been ridiculously easy on her. All the things Pike hadn't liked about his ex (she only knew of two) were things she didn't like doing. He didn't talk about Sally much at all, really, which made her feel guilty for bringing up Jane at least a couple times a night.

She made a mental note to tone that back. _Lisbon_ was the one who could only think about Jane. _Teresa_ had plenty of other interests in life.

_But I know, it's just until_  
_I get over you_

Jane looked so lonely standing in the hospital as she left. She felt terrible about leaving, then got mad at herself. He was manipulating her so that she wouldn't have fun on her date. It was the kind of thing Lisbon would fall for.

Good thing she'd left Lisbon behind in her work locker. Teresa turned to Pike, a bright smile on her face. She almost pulled Pike out of the building in her haste to get away from Jane.

_I'll get over you_  
_I'll get through and when I do_

Walking out he held open the door for her and she was reminded of Jane. But the two men were very different. Jane would hold open doors as a matter of course, like it was just something he did and there was no use in telling him to stop. Pike seemed to do it because it was what his mother had taught him to. It was vaguely insulting Pike's way.

She politely told him that she could get her own doors. He never did it again, which was good. Jane never remembered anything you asked him to do even if you told him a hundred times. But then she was annoyed at having to haul open doors her own self. Why couldn't she just be happy?

She tried to clear her mind. It really wasn't fair to compare Pike to Jane. She didn't want to be likened to Sally either.

_I'll be good as new_  
_When I get over you_

She was incredibly proud of herself. She had officially decided to go with Pike to Washington. Then, because nothing in her life was ever simple, he decided to propose. This one wasn't quite as bad a shock as the proposal to move, oddly enough. Perhaps she was warming to the idea of spending her life with him.

She could sort of see the logic. They both wanted something new, a fresh slate, and the fact that they were going through almost the same thing meant they knew not to push the other. Yes, there was a certain charm in what he was suggesting.

Plus, he didn't need an answer right away. He was proffering her with what she really wanted: a fresh start, in every way possible. For the moment she was only going along with the first part of the plan, but oh, how she craved what he was offering her along with it. Stability. A family. A chance to prove herself. Even - dare she say it? - happiness.

She knew she wasn't going to resist long.

_Sometimes think I love you still_  
_Wonder if I always will_

She smiled proudly to herself. This change of personality plan was actually working. Now that she had someone else in her life, someone who didn't use her for his own ends, she no longer thought about Jane all the time. She was glad. She'd spent far too much of her life pining, for lack of a better word. Turned out all she'd needed was a new interest in life.

But then when she tried to put Pike first on her speed dial, something hurt inside of her. She decided to let that go for now. Baby steps, she reminded herself.

She wondered if Pike still had a picture of Sally on his phone.

_Love for you's so hard to kill_  
_But I'll get over you_

Teresa sat in the plane staring unseeingly out the window. She was going to leave Lisbon behind her. Lisbon had done a lot of great things: taken down Red John and uncovered the Blake conspiracy, to name the most major ones; but she had done them all with Jane.

Teresa was sick of having her accomplishments irrevocably linked to Jane. She was definitely capable of doing things on her own. (But you haven't for a very long time, an annoying little voice whispered in the back of her mind.)

_Lisbon_ had wasted a lot of her life helping a man who didn't want it. That was why _Teresa_ was uprooting her life, flying out to be with a man who welcomed her help. She looked out the window and tried to ignore the feeling that she was doing something incredibly stupid. The fact that she was still furious definitely helped.

She couldn't allow herself to become depressed. She had a fiancé waiting for her across the country, a man who needed her. It had been a long time since she'd felt needed. And whether she was really Teresa or Lisbon didn't actually matter.

Because in the end, what she needed was to feel needed.

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**A/N: Contrary to what you may think after reading this story, I am very sympathetic to Lisbon. I kind of feel bad for her trying to make herself over and just making a mess of things. It's something I could see myself doing. And Jane didn't help her at all. So I had to make Pike kind of needy so you don't feel bad for him.**


	2. Today I started loving you again

**A/N: Song credit is Today I started Loving You Again by Merle Haggard. (The Hag, to those of you in the know.)**

**Oh, and I quote 1 Kings 18:21 at some point. Anyone who figures out where without looking it up gets a hero biscuit.**

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_Today I started loving you again_  
_I'm right back where  
I've really always been_

It hit her like a freight train once he was out of sight. Her vision blurred - either she was blacking out or she was crying. She couldn't breathe, couldn't hear, couldn't feel her body. The feeling bowled her over, hijacked her senses, almost made her lose her mind.

She'd forgotten it; had thought she'd buried it, had thought she'd gotten over it, had thought it'd left her long ago. She cursed it, because it had always turned her life upside down.

So she did what she always did when she was feeling overwhelmed: she ran. She got off the plane and walked, blindly, until she ran out of airport terminal. But she couldn't escape the feeling. It followed her around like a cloying perfume.

She couldn't hide from herself anymore - she was still in love with Patrick Jane.

_I got over you just long enough  
To let my heartache mend_  
_Then today I started loving you again_

She stumbled into a handy bathroom and sat down in the corner, ignoring the dirty floor. She desperately tried to understand why her heart felt like it was about to leap out of her chest. Jane couldn't possibly have meant that he loved her. She'd figured out years ago that he could never love anyone but his wife.

But she always knew when he was lying, about important stuff anyway. And she knew he'd been telling the truth, no matter how much it boggled her mind.

Still, that didn't mean she had to stay with him. She was going to marry Pike. That was her plan.

The words sounded hollow in her mind. A screaming match started in her body. Her heart pleaded that he was the man for her. Her mind ran over all the times he'd hurt her, almost broken her heart. Her heart refused to listen, insisted she was the woman for him.

She was utterly confused. But one thing she knew for sure: she'd forgiven him everything he'd ever done her. She never had been able to hold a grudge against him, after all.

_What a fool I was to think I could get by_  
_With only these few million tears I've cried_

She hated how pathetic she was. How pathetic _Lisbon_ was. Always running to Jane. This was the twenty-first century, after all. Hadn't she ever heard of woman's emancipation? And Jane was a terrible person to run to, anyway. He used her and _ab_used her and dropped her like a hot potato whenever he was done with her.

And like the fool Lisbon was, she always let him come back. Never crawling, he never had the decency to even do that. Somehow she was always the one crawling.

But a little voice reminded her of all the times he'd been there for her, the times when he'd cheered her up, helped her deal with her problems. She determinedly pushed Lisbon away. _Teresa_ could forget all the little, wonderful things he'd done for her that somehow almost seemed to make up for the awful things he'd done.

No, he wasn't worth it, she decided. She didn't notice the tears running down her cheeks.

_I should have known the worst was yet to come  
__And that crying time for me had just begun_

So she'd thought she was leaving her troubles behind her when she agreed to marry Pike. Now she had about a million awkward calls stretching out in front of her. The worst part was that the hole she was currently stuck in she had dug herself. So which would it be? She could be Lisbon, and stay with Jane like she always had before. But that didn't seem like something she wanted. So, she could be Teresa, and go with Pike, as planned. But that wasn't something she wanted either.

What was wrong with her? She was vascillating, limping between two different opinions. That wasn't like her. Where was Teresa now, when she needed her? Confident, self-assured Teresa, who knew exactly what she wanted? She was slowly coming to the awful realization that Teresa was a dream. Someone she wished she could be, in her secret fantasies.

But fantasies never worked in the real world. In the real world Prince Charming was a bore and it was against the law to kill the Wicked Witch. She drew her knees up against her chest.

She knew the tears in her eyes weren't for Pike.

_'Cause today I started loving you again_  
_I'm right back where  
I've really always been_

She was, and always had been, in love with him. Whether she was Lisbon or Teresa, she loved him.

She reached out for the sink to haul herself to her feet and couldn't understand for a moment why her hand wouldn't take hold of the edge. She stared stupidly at the wad of wet Kleenex in her hand. She had no clue how it had gotten there.

She tossed it into the garbage can and stood up on shaky legs. She scared herself when she looked in the mirror - red, puffy eyes, stringy hair, wrinkly, disarrayed clothing, a mouth that refused to do anything but turn down in a scared frown. She couldn't see Jane like this. She took a deep breath and started sprucing herself up.

Grimly, at first. What a chore, always trying to be impervious to his scrutiny. But a small smile came back to her lips as she looked at herself in the mirror, testing which would be the best posture. This was something she hadn't done in a long time. It was something Lisbon used to do. It didn't fit in with Teresa's take on life.

But she had forgotten the challenge it presented. Forgotten the rush when it worked, even for just a moment. And as she stared back at her confident self (no trace of the person who had been sobbing on the floor forty-five minutes ago), she realized that she could still see Teresa in her eyes.

It surprised her. She cocked her head to the side in the mirror. Maybe Lisbon wasn't weak. Maybe Lisbon just kept Teresa under control. Teresa sure needed it - she made terrible decisions.

Maybe Teresa had been there all along. Maybe she didn't have to be just one or the other.

_I got over you just long enough  
To let my heartache mend_  
_Then today I started loving you again_

She was walking purposefully towards Jane's detention cell. She knew without a doubt that she was doing the right thing for both of them. Her thoughts briefly flickered over what had once been a painful thought: the idea that she could only accomplish things with Jane's help.

She knew now where her thinking had gone wrong. Sure, she'd needed Jane's help to do all those things, but she'd forgotten that Jane had needed her help too. It went two ways. And hadn't she always wanted to be needed? There was something so perfect about the man she loved needing her.

There she was! She could see Jane through the glass. She straightened her back, squared her shoulders. She had no clue what was about to happen, but at least she knew who she was now.

"I'd like to see him, please," she said firmly, flashing her badge.

The guard looked merely bored. "Name?"

She felt herself start to smile. "Teresa Lisbon."


End file.
